Zombie Jesus’ words and acts are recorded in one of the apocryphal books (books which were not included in the New Testament by the Catholic Church), the “Book of Brains”. The most famous part of the “Book of Brains” is the “Parable of the Brains”, in which Zombie Jesus spoke unto the assembled masses: “Braaaiiins…. braaaiiinnnss… braaaaiinss!!” (in the original Greek of the Gospel, “μυαλό…. μυααααλό…. μυααααλό!!!”).
From the Happy Heathens at the SSU.
For more blasphemy, be sure to check out stripper Jesus, Cap’n Morgan Jesus, God got eated, and this one… (not for the faint of heart).
From our good friend Dr. Valerie Tarico:
Greetings –
I’ve been invited to blog on the Living section of the Huffington Post! My first post was put up this evening. The more people click on the link the longer it will stay up, the more comments it will get, and the more likely to move to the front page for a little while. This will help me to build a readership. Could you do me the favor of clicking on the link? (No need to read if it’s not of interest.)
When Leaving Jesus Means Losing Your Family
When my Gen Y friend Michael confessed publicly that he couldn’t believe any longer, it cost him a full ride scholarship and all of his friends but three. But that wasn’t the worst of it…
It’s incredibly easy to draw metaphors from this one…
THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: At least 50 people in Kottayam district have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary.
Though alarmed health authorities have installed a signboard to counter the rumour that a solar image of Virgin Mary appeared to the believers, curious onlookers, including foreign travellers, have been thronging the venue of the ‘miracle’.
St Joseph’s ENT and Eye Hospital in Kanjirappally alone has recorded 48 cases of vision loss due to photochemical burns on the retina. “All our patients have similar history and symptoms. The damage is to the macula, the most sensitive part of retina. They have developed photochemical, not thermal, burns after continuously gazing at the sun,” Dr Annamma James Isaac, the hospital’s ophthalmologist, said.
The hospital has been receiving patients with these abnormal symptoms since Friday. When the doctors found a pattern in the case sheets, they reported it to the district medical officer.
The health department has now put up a signboard at the hotelier’s house near Erumeli, where the divine image is said to have appeared, warning people against exposing their eyes to sunlight.
Even the churches in the vicinity disowned the miracle during Sunday mass after health officers and doctors approached the clergy. The house in question has been the centre of local rumours for a few months. The hotelier, who has since moved to another house, had claimed that statues of Mother Mary in his house have been crying honey and bleeding oil and perfumes.
Though people have been flocking to the “blessed land” - hastily christened Rosa Mystica Mountain - for long, the mad rush for the image in the sky began a week ago.
There are quite a few people still seeking the miracle, despite the experiences of their unfortunate predecessors and strict health warnings against gazing at the sun with the naked eye.
“The patients show varying degrees of severity. They are mostly girls in 12-26 age group. Our youngest patient is 12 and the oldest 60. Most of them were looking at the sun between 2 and 4 pm, when UV1 and UV2 rays are harshest,” Dr James Isaac said. He added that they could identify the problem as solar retinopathy because they were aware of the local sensation.
“Most patients may hopefully improve their vision. But there may be long-term effects on the retina,” he added.
—————-
Time: Tuesday, 4pm – 6pm
Location: HUB 209A
Topic: Ask a Mormon
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=8382894741
Mormonism is among one of the younger religions and there are many misconceptions about the faith. What do Mormon’s actually believe? How do people practice their faith? What stories do they have to tell?
We are holding a Q&A session on Mormonism with the Latter-Day Saint Student Association. Come along if you have any questions or simply want to learn.
This is an old site but several people mentioned it last night so I thought I would post it:
Top 100 Fundamentalist Quotes on the Internet
My favorites include:
“I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!”
“several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys dont live several million years. ”
”
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I’m going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I’m going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it’s “not addictive.”
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I’m pregnant again. I guess I’ll just get another abortion, since “fetuses don’t count as human life.”
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don’t go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren’t finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that’s fine with me!”
”
You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don’t accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.”
Time: Tuesday, 4pm – 6pm
Location: HUB 209A
Topic: Ask a Bible Literalist
Facebook: http://washington.facebook.com/event.php?eid=8975416148
What does it mean to believe in the literal truth of the Bible? How do people integrate the teachings into the Bible into their everyday life? What evidence made them arrive at their positions.
We are holding a Q&A session with the City Church on why they believe in Bible Literalism. Come along if have questions to ask or if you’re simply curious.