Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i’m walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
Oh i’m never really ready, yeah, oh, i’m never really ready
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there
I’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there

-”In Repair” by John Mayer

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…and they started out so well!

Ah, bollocks. Suppose that’s what I get for caring.

Hello.

I like to think that people read this blog. It’s a fun little thought, but not necessary for the continuation thereof. I write here because I must.

I hate writing, (insert cliche here). I love, however, forcing my opinions upon everyone that will hear them - by choice or not.

My paradigm is a dynamic one, and one that I must constantly test and reconsider. There are many who float through life, without a set way of doing things, according to whichever wind happens to be blowing at the time. I would imagine they are quite happy: they are never ‘wrong’ because they never take a stance, have loads of friends because no one is able to disagree with them,  and have everything in common with the boy, girl, dog, fly, microwave, and dust mite next door. If only…

My method of testing generally is argument. I submit a topic of conversation in a subtly inflammatory way, attempting to arouse debate in another individual with different experiences, thoughts, opinions, and views than mine. I continually poke and prod until I find a particular topic that person is passionate about, find flaws in it, and challenge them to do so of my own position. Often, I’ll have a particular subject in mind, and will press continually until they find that they are, to their surprise, passionate about it.

Only recently have I realized that this exercise in self-discovery was abnormal and alienating, yet I continue notwithstanding.

This self understanding has taken years for me to understand, after constant scrutiny. It is the manifestation of nearly two decades of constant observation. You, dear reader, now know me better than any ex-girlfriend ever has.

γνωθι σεαυτόν… two words in a language you likely cannot distinguish from scribbles or an advanced math problem, but when you paste them into a google search bar later, you’ll probably stumble across a wikipedia article with a handful of fascinating “See Also” links. I would highly recommend you curl up with a laptop and enlighten yourself for 15 minutes or so, and discover why your life is “so messed up.”

…

see?