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Misguided school spirit leads to mid-TG "nap"
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The Foster Home School of Business
For a mere $6,000 a month, you can help change a life! As you sit in front of your computer, sipping Grey Goose and sucking on almonds, pre-over the hills are out there struggling to get by on 2 liters of Diet Coke and scraps of Vietnamese sandwiches. These sweethearts wake up every morning around 9:30 in a pool of their own tears because they have nowhere to go but the ruinous Balmer Lounge. The stench and dilapidation of this aboveground dungeon is enough to make even Fares Boulos whimper.
They don't ask for much because they've never had more than a hope, just a corner office and a signing bonus. How long can you sit on your ass doing shitzpa when you know this sadness exists in your own backyard? Donate today and you will receive a postcard from the student you sponsor as he backpacks though Europe on your generosity.
Naming Rights Salesplosion!
After the Paccar Hall naming success, Dean Jimbalvo has started a naming rights selling spree in the business school. Anything and everything is available at a price. It has been reported that Papa Johns is in talks to claim the rights to the 3rd floor bathroom at the bargain price of $245. Abercrombie & Fitch is willing to shell out $4,000 and a couple of free cargo shorts for the rights to the undergrad lounge. Even Century 21 has joined the sale, so it's now the "Century 21 random Foster library homeless guy." It's even possible that our beloved MBAlmer may soon be the Leavitt Funeral Home MBAlmer (hint - we're for sale!). Some in the school have expressed concern about the over-commercialization of a public institute of education. There are others who are telling those people to shut up. Those new computers in the lounge aren't paying for themselves!
Rejected Foster Logos and Slogans
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Aren't these rejected logos awful?
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Rejected Slogans:
Lowering the Glass Ceiling one White Male at a Time
Seattle for Business
F*** You Harvard!
#1 Business School West of Lake Washington and North of Oregon
Because White Men Can't Jump
It's None of Your Business
Where Business Gets Tag Teamed
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Goodbye synergy wheel... we hardly knew (what) you (were)
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| MBAlmer® is a satire. Please read responsibly. You know who you are and we know where you live. |
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