In a highly-anticipated press conference this morning, incoming MBAA President Arkan Kayihan unveiled his long-awaited proposal to overhaul and expand the MBA Core Values. "The core values as we know them have been a fine foundation for professional development," said Kayihan, "But we need to update them to ensure they stay relevant in the fast-paced, ever-changing business world."

Above: The MBA Core Values, Circa February, 2005.

According to the proposal, the current MBA Core Values – "Excellence", "Integrity", "Involvement", "Innovation", "Collaboration" and "Professionalism" – would remain unchanged. Instead, a set of five additional values would be added to these, nearly doubling the total number of values to eleven.

"We're building on the success of the past," explained Kayihan, "to enhance the future."

The new values are "Self-Esteem", "Proofread Before Sending", "Leave A Little Something In The Keg", "Refrain From Being An Asshat On The Bull" and "Don't Microwave Fish In The Lounge." These new values would take effect with the incoming class of 2007, and be presented as part of PRIME this fall.

Kayihan explained the rationale behind each of the proposed new values during his ninety-minute media event.

"These new values were the result of a long, thorough process on the part of the incoming MBAA leadership," said Kayihan. "We wanted to bring an outsider's perspective on what could be done better in our program. As we discussed the various ways to contribute, my leadership team quickly identified several clusters of issues that needed to be addressed immediately."

"Self-Esteem" is both "obvious and necessary," according to Kayihan. He stressed the importance of self-esteem as a correlative factor in successful interviewing and risk-taking entrepreneurial behavior. "We should encourage people to think well of themselves and their accomplishments." Kayihan plans to make his self-esteem push primarily through a policy of enforced grade inflation, pointing out that Statistics class was "a bitch" and he "wouldn't wish the searing pain of my 3.1 on anyone else. So let's make sure everyone gets at least a 3.4, huh?"

"Proofread Before Sending" is "needed more and more in our modern age of electronic communications," said Kayihan. Typographical errors are "embarrassing, but just the tip of the iceberg." More important, stressed Kayihan, is the need to verify that the message content is appropriate to the recipient, and "watch those cc and bcc fields."

Incoming MBAA Executive Vice-President Jennifer Hodges remarked on the third proposed value, "Leave A Little Something In The Keg." "A strong community is fundamental to the success of our program," said Hodges, "But we all know that getting to a TG just 30 minutes late is a letdown because the beer is already gone." Hodges stressed that moderation and pacing could help people observe this third value, but insisted that "wine ain't gonna cut it when a girl wants some IPA."

	Above: MBAA President Arkan Kayihan.

Kayihan then moved on to the fourth proposed value, "Refrain From Being An Asshat On The Bull." "I don't know how much more I can say about this one," he said, "The Bull is read by a lot of people. Don't be an asshat. End of story."

The fifth, and final, new value, "Don't Microwave Fish In The Lounge" was presented in an unusual way: Secretary Ron Lamarca dramatically unveiled a stack of petitions, signed by more than 200 people. Signatories included students, faculty, Program Office Staff and Balmer Hall janitorial workers. "We have a mandate on this one," said Lamarca. "Cook it at home or eat it raw."

Overall reaction to the new values has been mixed. "They're interesting, I'll give him that", said Class of 2005's Ezra Fain. "I kind of agree about the asshat thing, but I'm not sure that grade inflation is the right solution to self-esteem."

Becky Sparks, class of '06, concurred, but added, "Thank God they finally tackled the fish."

The new core values will be voted on at the first MBAA meeting of Spring quarter, currently scheduled for April 4.