James Bond has foiled yet another world-takeover plot by Women In Business. Sources close to the secretive, clannish "WiB" have characterized President Danika Dreslin as "enraged, outraged, and on the warpath."

Above: Suave, sexy and confident British agent James Bond.

WiB, a shadowy, international organization, has come to the attention of law enforcement only after recent events forced the governments of the United States, Britain, and the European Union to take more seriously the problem of terrorism. Its members are known to be "sleeper" agents, operating under the guise of graduate students. WiB members regularly convene at "retreats", where they pledge their undying devotion to Dreslin, train on the use of automatic weapons, and formulate plots to take over the world.

It is also widely believed that retreats feature pillow fights between members.

"Women in Business may, in fact, be the most dangerous organization in the world," said FBI agent Gary Snow. "They have proven their ability to strike anywhere, at any time. And since more than half the world population is a potential member, it's impossible to track them. We're literally outnumbered here."

Since 1962, WiB "enemy number one" has been suave, sexy and confident British secret agent James Bond. Bond has spent most of the last 42 years preventing WiB from achieving its goals. Through his powers of observation, Bond is usually able to detect WiB plots before their culmination; he then relies on his good luck, athletic skills, and sexual magnetism to seduce and turn WiB agents into "Bond Girls." A recent chronology of his successes include:

• In 1985, Bond prevented insane industrialist Max Zorin from destroying Silicon Valley by flood. WiB stood to profit from the resulting price fluctuations on the microchip market. Zorin had been put up to the task by his WiB handler, agent May Day.

• In 1995, WiB attempted to use a secret Russian satellite program, code-named GoldenEye, to destroy all electromagnetic systems in England. Bond was able to prevent the resulting chaos and destruction of the UK banking system by recruiting former WiB agent Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova to his cause. WiB agent Xenia Onatopp was found to be responsible through her co-option of former British agent 006.

	Above: WiB headquarters in Colorado. The men in the photo have all taken blood oaths to Dreslin.

• In 1997, media tycoon Elliot Carver sought to cause war between Britain and China by sinking a British warship off the China Sea and stealing its missiles. It was believed that WiB was seeking to profit from the increased ratings on Carver's television and newspaper empire. Bond was able to defeat WiB at the eleventh hour by getting to Carver's wife, and handler, Paris Carver.

In every case, WiB has used a consistent MO: one of its female agents will goad, pressure or provoke a male in a position of power to do its bidding. This neatly covers WiB's tracks, and also fits with their political agenda.

Said Dreslin in a 1998 speech: "Behind every great man ... is one of our agents."

Most recently, Bond was able to stop WiB agent Miranda Frost from deploying a space-bound solar laser cannon against the peaceful nations of the world. Frost had managed to solicit the resources and trust of billionaire Gustav Graves, who perished in the ensuing battle.

The news of Agent Frost's failure was conveyed to Dreslin at a "retreat" at WiB headquarters, located deep underground in the Colorado mountains. When confronted with Bond's latest triumph, Dreslin had the news-bearing underling summarily fed to a tank of sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads.

Meeting later with her trusted lieutenants, Dreslin sat, stoically, in a high-backed chair, wearing a monocle and stroking her cat, Fluffy. "What can we do?" she sighed. "Our agents believe in our cause, but are also seeking work/life balance."

She then paused, slowly raising a pinky to the side of her mouth.

"Curse you, James Bond! We'll be back! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!"