Sources in the MBA Program office report that MBA Program Director Dan Poston is taking his annual PRIME-week role as "Morpheus" from the popular 1999 film The Matrix "way too seriously."

Above: Actor Lawrence Fishburne as "Morpheus" from The Matrix Reloaded.

"Dan started the Matrix thing a few years ago as a way to liven up PRIME," said co-worker Barbara Pearson. "And with PRIME coming up again in a few months, I would imagine that he's going to do it again. But jeez, how much prep do you need for this role? You'd think he's been taking Method classes in his spare time."

The Matrix, coupled with its sequels, The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, are science-fiction films set in a post-apocalyptic future where humans are fighting machines in a virtual world. The character of Morpheus, played by Lawrence Fishburne, guides the protagonist of the film, played by Keanu Reeves, to his destiny. Characters in the Matrix films dress stylishly, perform martial arts, and carry automatic weapons.

Poston allegedly has been coming to work dressed in a black trenchcoat, wearing sunglasses and spouting lines from the film. It was unclear if Poston has violated the strict no-firearms policy at the UW.

"I had a meeting with him last week," said Admissions Director Sunni Bannon. "I was two minutes late. When I get to his office, he's sitting there, in a high-backed red leather chair, and he says, 'at last we meet'. I mean, two minutes late? Give me a break."

Co-worker Carrie Schneider tells a similar story. "Whenever I get, like, five minutes to myself on a hectic day, Dan has me sorting Mike and Ike candies for the incoming class. Red ones and green ones go in a dish, and the rest go in the garbage. He was very specific that we need one red and one green for every member of the class. Something about, 'the choice is up to them'."

Poston has also been spotted at local Cadillac dealerships, test-driving the Cadillac CTS. This car was used by the Morpheus character as part of a getaway sequence in The Matrix Reloaded.

"Yeah, I remember that guy," said salesman Mark Franklin. "He was pretty intense. We've had some Matrix fans come through here after the movie came out, but I've never had anyone like him before. He was asking about acceleration, handling, and how many bullets the car's frame could stop. I was like, 'are you kidding me? What, are you going to knock over a bank or something?'"

Above: Carrie Schneider is sick of sorting Mike & Ike candy.

Poston, reached at his office for comment, was cryptic and evasive.

"I believe it is our destiny to challenge that which stands in our way. There are those who believe, as I do, that appearances can be deceiving. I am simply trying to free the minds of the people in this program."

Current students are expressing frustration.

"I'm knee-deep into my summer internship search, and Dan mentions that he knows someone at CIBO Natural Foods," said Marnie Efishoff. "So I'm like, 'Great! Can you get me in touch with them?'. And he just looked right at me and said, 'One day you'll learn, just as I did, that there is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path.'"

"I mean, what the hell is THAT about?"

PRIME week begins September 20, 2004.