VP Bodmer Seeks To Convert Lounge Into "Phat Pad"

At a press conference Monday, MBAA Facilities Vice President David Bodmer unveiled a sweeping plan to invest $25,000 in order to convert the MBA lounge into a "phat pad that the ladies will love." Full Text »

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Poston Taking This Morpheus Thing "Way Too Seriously"
Sources in the MBA Program office report that MBA Program Director Dan Poston is taking his annual PRIME-week role as "Morpheus" from the popular 1999 film The Matrix "way too seriously."

Pilcher Detained By U Village Security For Harassment
Dr. Martha Pilcher, a statistics professor at the UW Business School, was detained Monday afternoon by security at Seattle's University Village shopping center for harassing passersby.

MBAA Secretary Looking For Secretary
Chris Meyer, Secretary of the MBA Association, is looking for a secretary himself, sources reported Tuesday. "When I took the job back in February, I knew I would be responsible for taking minutes and recording the business of MBAA," said Meyer. "But honestly, this is a lot of typing. Can't we get an undergrad to transcribe a recording or something?" It was unclear if Meyer was open to his secretary also having a secretary.

Byars Secretly Owns Big-Ass SUV
Despite his environmentally-friendly, Earth-first reputation, the MBAlmer has learned that Alan Byars secretly owns a big-ass SUV. "It's enormous," said an anonymous source. "It could hold six lesser SUVs inside of it." When confronted with a photo of himself driving said SUV, Byars confessed. "I just like riding up high when I'm driving," he explained. "Plus, I like to go hiking from time to time, and the all-wheel drive helps." Added Byars, "And although parking is a bitch, chicks dig it."

Nesland Looking To Bury Expenses For Hookers, Booze
After a "hard, hard weekend" in Vancouver, BC, MBA Association Treasurer Michael Nesland is now seeking ways of hiding over $3,000 (CDN) in various liquor- and prostitute-related fees in the MBAA budget. "It can't be that hard," said Nesland. "I know EIC and the High Tech Club have some unclaimed funds, and I'm pretty sure I can put some of it under the TG surplus." Nesland was also quoted as saying he "appreciated the full spectrum of opportunities the UW MBA program is affording me."

Cintra Sick Of Being Known As "The Amazon Person"
Cintra Pollack is sick and tired of being known as 'The Amazon Person' in the MBA program, sources reported Friday. "Someone just has to MENTION Amazon in class, and everyone's head swivels to look at me," complained Pollack. "I mean, I worked there for three years. I was a browse developer. I don't work there now. It's not like Jeff Bezos thought of me as his personal muse or something." Pollack also commented that if Jane Kennedy better watch it if she wanted to "start some shit" in class again.

Jiambalvo Incrementally Analyzes Fourth Martini
PriceWaterHouseCoopers and Alumni Professor Dr. James Jiambalvo was spotted doing incremental analysis on a proposed fourth martini late Saturday night at the Eastlake Zoo. "It's very simple," slurred Jiambalvo. "You just subtract the incremental costs from the incremental revenue to determine the incremental benefit." When Zoo bartender Ray Lane proposed that Dr. Jiambalvo had maybe had enough, Jiambalvo dismissed his previous consumption as "sunk, and therefore not relevant."