VOLUME 05 ISSUE 02 "PRESERVING THE TRUTH OF THE FOSTER SCHOOL OF BUSINESS" 8 SEPTEMBER 2009
Shaosong's Weather Update

Shaosong's Weather Update
It has been hot in Seattle lately. It has been so hot. Haha haha

It has been so hot….that Bill Clinton got a Slurpee, and then went to 7-11!

It has been so hot….that when I drove to school…I saw squirrels… fanning their nuts!

It has been so hot….Dennis Rodman… went out without a bra!

STATshot

You Should Turn on Images

LATEST HEADLINES
Romance in the Halls of Balmer High
Where business and passion align. (cont)

Timely Notification of Criminal Incident
5200 block of University Way (cont)

Case Competition Bulletin
Self Proclaimed Case Competition Guru Ian Courtnage Enters Middle School Case Competition - Finishes Second. (cont)

Pete Dukes' Construction Update

PACCAR Hall has hit rock bottom, literally. (cont)
Top Headlines
Women in Business club beats placement statistics for 4th year in a row; despite economic downturn, demand for Personal Assistants remains high
Jim Bullock fired only one week into internship after accidentally thinking his boss said “Casual Sex Fridays.” One of those words was not, apparently, said
Kyle Reed spends summer internship writing white paper titled “Dainty is the New Pink”
Gitenstein Not Satisfied as a Lame Duck; Announces Candidacy for Second Term as First Year Class President
Student caught smiling in Burgstahler course; punished for obviously being online
Question: "How many Bootstrappers does it take to start a company?" Answer: 4 engineers
Scientists at MIT discover that Scott Macy is on a motherfuckin’ boat
Ashley and Lindsey invited to WIB retreat; shock future leaders with abnormally large Adam’s Apples
Celebrity Expose: "Skeletons from Troy Ruckman's Walk-In Closet"
IN THE NEWS


 
Tim Hossein Admits Self to MBA Program
After years of close calls, Tim Hossein has finally admitted himself to the evening MBA program. “I’ve been pulling for me for the longest time,” Tim said, “But only now have I found my application to be of the quality that we expect here at Foster.” Tim attributed his admittance to his additional community service hours, and the use of a 3-legged stool as his office chair."
David Coyle Never Actually in Military
One common misconception about Coyle is that he served in the military. Says Coyle “Hell no, I didn’t serve in the military. I’m about as much a military man as Chris Trudeau is a pirate.” He further added, “I wear this outfit cause it’s styling – and I know you mad cause I’m styling on you.”
Poston Sick After Massive Overdose
Dan Poston has apparently taken both the red and the blue pills. He had a freaky night and called in sick the next morning. Sick, that is, of not being the number 1 public school in the universe!



 

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  MBAlmer® is a satire Written by extremely smart MBAs with too much time on their hands.