Dear Mr. Executor,
As a member of the Honors Croquet League and a victor at the most recent tournament I would like to file an official complaint about the selection of the honorable Mr. Grant Mandarino as the Honors Croquet League’s player of the month. Mr. Mandarino, while a spendid fellow and skilled player, did not show his sorry face at the last tournament. No excuses being forthcoming, I can only assume that Mr. Mandarino’s absence was simply because he is a lazy bastard. I must argue that this is not the spirit that should be portrayed by the league’s “Player of the Month.” Therefore, I would like Mr. Mandarino be officially un-selected as player of the month, rightly chastized by whatever methods deemed appropriate, and replaced by a more worthy participant of our last fine game. And now, seeing that the day is drawing to a close, I will as well, and trust that these points I have brought to light will weigh heavily upon you and bring you to the light of reason. Many thanks, Grand Executor.
Your humble servant and wise counselor,
Commodore John A. Pyles
Dear Mr. Pyles:
It cannot be disputed that Mr. Mandarino has not attended a meeting of our esteemed league since October, that he is a lazy bastard, and that there is no valid rationale for his selection as player of the month. You should know that Cait Rippey, member number 003, also complained about his selection, citing reasons similar to yours. Since the selection of the player of the month is entirely informal, there is no protocol for resolutions of disputes such as this. As the Executor, I will e-mail the membership and ask their opinion. I hope that this is satisfactory to you.
My god…what have we done, john?
Dear Members:
You may have noticed that Grant Mandarino is the member of the month. Two members have complained that he has not attended the last three matches, and so does not deserve this honor.
The member of the month program was created so that the website would have some content that was worth reading. The selection process is neither objective nor democratic. I am reluctant to create formal criteria for the member of the month, because really, people, it’s just a damn croquet league. However, I should have forseen that this arbitrary method of selection would create conflict among the membership.
I therefore ask for the opinions of you, the members, on what to do. First, should Grant remain the member of the month, a month being, as it is, short? Does his unrestrained panache make up for his poor attendance? Second, should we make the member of the month more formal, and if so, how?
Please send replies to croquet@u.washington.edu.
Here’s my two cents:
Let’s just decide who’ll be the “member of the month” at each match we have. Maybe it could be the person who wins, or it could be whoever. I know we don’t really have a match every month, but let’s not get lost in the details. :) The process of selection doesn’t necessarily have to be more formal, but I think it should be more democratic.
It doesn’t really matter though, does it? I didn’t even know we had a member of the month! Anyway, have a great day!
Jasmine
Ummm, excuse me but, Ben and I want to be the first two person co-member player of the month for the croquet club. I mean, I’m club photographer, and Ben’s club bad-ass, so with our powers combined, we’ve got ego and sweet looks to last us a lifetime. The only problem is Ben might beat me upside the head and take the other half of the awards. So yeah…………plus i also want to do the online instruction guide too……LUNCH!!! come to LUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimmy
Well, in lieu of actually being member of the month myself, I feel that Grant Mandarino is the right man to receive this honor. Croquet, after all, is a sport of style. It is for the aristocrats, not the Olympic athletes (though the day is coming when the aristocrats will form an Olympic croquet team. USA Croquet in 2004! Ice croquet in 2006?) I think we may all agree that GM is the most aristocratic person in the whole Honors program, let alone the croquet league. I do not believe that poor attendance should have any bearing on the recognition of superior style. What good is it to be Honors students if we can’t disregard the rules, make up our own words, and generally act like kings of the kitchen, queens of the quagmire, &c? In that vein, I nominate myself for member of the month for March.
Lisa Sibbett
I don’t mind Grant’s Member of the Month award. As you stated, there are no guidelines for nomination, so attendance, or panache, or any factor is entirely arbitrary. I myself did not attend the last match (which, I believe was January 6th?), of course, I don’t believe I should be member of the month either, no matter what the criteria. Grant is certainly enthusiastic about croquet, and that probably counts more towards the award than attendance. I say let him have his month, and next month pick someone else. With so few croquet matches during the winter, it would be hard to pick out the people with good attenance.
Additionally, could you email me the order of the colors on the mallet from top to bottom? I’d really appreciate it!
Brian
…
The recent controversy regarding the Player of the Month has been resolved, after some Constitutional finagling and my near impeachment. We will pick the Player of the Month at the end of each tournament, and the timing will have little to do with the Gregorian calendar. All of this will be codified at the beginning of next year, when we resubmit the Constitution to the SAO.
According to this process, then, John Pyles is the new Player of the Month. The participants of Saturday’s tournament felt that he deserved this honor, having brought his camping stove to make hot chocolate, and being the Undefeated Champion. Grant is no longer the Player of the Month. Since it has taken me a week to update the web site, this change almost coincides with the beginning of March, lending credence to the phrase “of the Month.”
…
Nick
Editor’s note: The Constitutional reforms mentioned in the above Newsletter were finally enacted in September, 2003.