The recently produced live-action version of Lewis Carrol’s classic Alice in Wonderland could be tolerable. Unfortunately, the drugs necessary to make it so are highly illegal, and I do not think there exists a drug powerful enough to make the film actually enjoyable. The film is long, poorly written, woefully paced, and constipated. The casting directors foolishly chose to cast an actual child in the title role. Given that makeup artists can work wonders creating the illusion of youth and fabulous actors in their twenties are a-dime-a-dozen, the choice of Alice boggles my mind because kids cannot act for shit (most kids anyway, there are a few exceptions, but this girl is not one of them). Alice is in every scene of the film, and watching her is painful. Even the scenes with fantastically costumed players (kudos to Henson Studios for the costumes) do little to draw away from Alice’s dreadful delivery. Although the supporting cast is top notch, they do little to draw from the films wretchedness. Martin Short, Whoopi Goldberg, Gene Wilder, and even the consummate Ben Kingsley deliver poorly written roles with nothing more than mediocre acting. I shan’t ever forgive the music director of this film for making the talented Gene Wilder sing an obnoxious, interminable, and ridiculous ode to soup; truth be told, I doubt if I shall even be able to eat soup for months given the negative association with this film.
Spare yourself this movie. I opted to skip out on live entertainment for this film, and this decision is one I shall have to live with for the rest of my life. Please do not repeat my mistake. If you feel the urge coming on to see this film, find a more enjoyable way to spend your time. I think that a root-canal is a viable alternative. This movie is every bit as painful as oral surgery, but with oral surgery drugs are provided to keep your mind off the pain.