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The Climbing Club • View topic - VT Ice Climbing - Failed Attempt, Hippie Edition

The Climbing Club

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 5:44 pm 
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Rodrigo
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Warning, this trip report contains absolutely no climbing or even a description of anything climbing related. It's just a rant about a failed attempt to climb. I apologize that I cannot write a trip report with the same level of quality as the one about

Background: Living in Cape Cod is a soul crushing experience. The winter only makes it worse. Living here I have learned that the only way to deal with it is to let your soul die. After that you can embrace life for what it is - A boring, worthless existence in which one works and sleeps and avoids fun at all costs. Or so I've been told. I've done my best to try to make the best of living on Cape Cod. Having struggled to find climbing partners I went to New Hampshire right after the New Year. I paid a guide to take me ice climbing (for the first time) at Frankenstein (perhaps I should post that trip report?) and had a great time. It was, perhaps, one of my favorite days of climbing. Ever since, I've struggled to find partners despite my enthusiasm. My first mistake was contacting an acquaintance about climbing. What climbing with him may have turned out well, what actually happened is a disaster.

I sent an email looking for a partner. I was informed by an acquaintance in New York (somewhere in the great empty north) that he and a friend would be willing to go ice climbing in Vermont. I would have preferred something closer, something less than a 5 hour drive, but in my desperation I accepted. I exchanged a few emails. We would climb. My climbing partner (the acquaintance backed out last minute), informed me he could lead up to WI 4+, knew his way around the area, had a place to stay, and that he was stoked to get out. I was too.

Friday at 1230: I left to drive up to Burlington. It's a 5-hour drive without Boston rush hour so I needed to get out early. I was expecting the arrival of my climbing partner (from now on "Sage") sometime around 730 pm. I got to town, worked for a bit, and grabbed a beer.

800 pm: I received a text, he would be there in a half hour.

930 pm: I was informed I could meet him at a specific bar, so I went there.

10:30ish: He finally makes an entrance with a friend. I was hoping we would get up reasonably early to climb (isn't that why I drove 5 hours?), but the three beers and a shot of whiskey he ordered in the half hour before the bartender closed suggested that might not be the case. It turns out he doesn't mind climbing hungover because it helps he deal with the fear (seriously).

11:40 pm: Yes, we are finally heading back to his friends house to sleep and prepare for the morning. Wrong, apparently there was a concert we needed to go see. We packed into another person's car (I couldn't leave because I needed a place to stay) and started driving. Within 30 seconds I believe I yelled "fucking hippies" because some hippie shit was playing on their car stereo. They took issue with my accusation. At no point prior to this moment could I have predicted what was about to happen. Our car dropped us off at Nectar. I asked, rather violently, "What the fuck is nectar?" I was pissed. Things only worsened when I looked at the line filled with hippies as I was told that it is the place where Phish started playing. I hate crowded public places. Nonetheless, I was forced to sit through, rather stand, avoiding contact with other people for two hours through some of the worst music I've ever heard.

1:15 am: I ask where we are staying. To my surprise, he hasn't figured this out yet. "But don't worry," Sage informs me, "it's all good." I don't believe him, shit mostly certainly isn't "all good."

1:45 am: Yes, the show is over. We need to get some food my shitcanned climbing partner and his friend (drunk, high, tripping on acid) informs me. First, get those jackets, it's fucking cold out there (-10Fish).

1:55 am: Sage cannot find his iPhone is is desperately seeking someone that has a "track my iphone app" or something to track down his phone. Sage fears his phone has been stolen. Sage finds his stolen phone, it's located at a house about 7 blocks away. Skipping food we make haste. There will be no climbing, sleeping, or anything else without the phone.

2:10 am: We arrive in the general area of the house. Suddenly, these Sage and this other dude realize we've walked over to this house but they sent their friend with the iPhone (and the app) off with some chick hoping he'd get laid. Now what? A few people pass, none of them have iPhones, but they do ask for various elicit substances.

2:30 am: Oh look, a cop! Sage grabs the cops attention. The cop exits the car and starts talking to him about the "phone theft." Sage insists the with an iPhone he can prove the cop that the phone is inside the house and that that enough is probably cause. He insists that the cop wait for the next person to walk by with an iPhone, they will use the app, they will find the house, and the cop will enter the home and get the home back. The cop insists that this will not be how he gets his phone back and that this is not "probable cause." Sage argues with the cop, it's his phone and the cop's job is to get it back. He won't. Sage asks how much trouble he will get in if he breaks into the house and takes his phone back. He will be arrested, of course, but his phone matters more. He also inform the cop he wishes he had a carry/conceal permit. Sage would threaten people with his gun for his phone.

2:45 am: Cop leaves. However, we are saved when a nice Austrian lady comes by with an iPhone and the app. The phone is in the third house on the left. See the lights? The lights are on. Sage is confident the phone will be his. At the front door Sage and partner in crime ask me to stand-by, prepared to dial 911. They enter the unlocked home without knocking. I can't hear anything but they are inside for 15 minutes. When they come back out they inform me of two things: 1) Those chicks were hot and 2) they found the phone. It was in the friend's pocket the entire time.

3:15 am: We finally make it to the place we will stay. It is the most disgusting undergraduate home I've ever seen. I curl up in my sleeping bag near door and try to sleep. Of course, I can't because they are too loud. They are still awake smoking bowls at 4:30.

9:30 am: I'm out of bed, I've brushed my teeth, I'm ready to get going. I'm informed that I can try but will not succeed and waking Sage up to climb. Apparently he isn't a morning person. That's fine, I didn't want to climb with him anyway.

I was pretty tired so I sat on the coach and watched a 2 hour episode of Top Gear.

11:30 am: Sage is awake but still hasn't left the couch. He hasn't even mentioned climbing. Good. Without saying anything I walk out to my car and drive home.

Let's be honest, I didn't want to climb. All I really wanted to do was spend 10 hours driving so that I could a bunch of fucked up hippies do stupid shit that could land them in back of a police car. Did I mention they were both wearing tie dye?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 6:12 pm 
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Mountain Rhombus
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Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:32 am
Posts: 584
Location: Near the taco truck
You clearly needed this

Image

Sounds like a good time!

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 11:35 am 
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The Pub Czar
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Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 12:38 am
Posts: 698
Location: too far from a pint.
I failed to scroll down enough the last few times I checked the forum...

Oh... my. It's amazing how much shittiness got packed into a trip that didn't even start driving *to* the TH.
Sorry dude...

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