11-24-04:
Pre-Thanksgiving Special: What I Expect You to do Tomorrow
Wishing you a very redneck holiday!
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1. Start drinking no later than 2PM. There's no excuse to not be "chasing the wild turkey" by 5PM. 2. If you're driving somewhere to eat thanksgiving dinner you must be totally slammed and be sure to crash your car into the front lawn when you arrive at your destination. 2b. Bonus points if you crash your car into the wrong lawn, realize your mistake, and crash it into the proper lawn. 3. You WILL pile the most obscene mountain of food on your plate and eat it all. You WILL go back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. You WILL appall all of your family with a disgusting show of knuckle-dragger/caveman-esque barnyard-animal-style eating. 4. Go to a hockey game - I'm presupposing that you've gotten wasted of your ass first - and start a fight in the stands. |
6. Wake up on friday morning in a jail cell - thinking something along the lines of "damn phone poles."
7. Go golfing with me (well maybe on friday) and take a shot for every hole you sink. Incidentally last time I drunk golfed I ruined one of my irons.
8. Steal Smokey the Bear.